Second Chances

Do you believe in getting a second chance? Did fate at one time say well, take this white pill and you will not have to deal with anything you were given or take this blue and white pill and wake up 48 hours later with a killer headache, a stiff body and a groggy sence of where you are. I believe I must have taken the blue and white pill. Well,12 blue and white pills to be exact. That was nearly 10 years ago. I'm not sure why the will of fate presented me with the option for a second chance. I can say that I don't think I will be given the option another time. From that moment til now, I've always felt as if I'm in the wrong place. I'm not supposed to be here. This life, its not mine. I don't know where I'm supposed to be or who. Maybe I'm really supposed to be a "rock star" or a modern day version of one. Every live music event I go to, I get the sense that that could be me. It feels so comfortable so much like home. That's my life, that girl up there on the stage. Possibly, I think as I'm sitting next to the newest, hottest sports car in traffic, that's supposed to be my car. I'm really the young doctor that has a hot little wife and takes vacations 3 times a year all over the country. This life, my life, the one I'm stuck with... well it just doesn't feel right. Surely there was something more planned for me. I am so much the thinker, the feeler. I can be the world's most objective person while passing judgement on others. I have a strong sense of reality, morality and common sense. My word is like stone that can stand the test of time and all nature's elements. My heart is a bucket of rainwater that never dries up. So maybe the second chance was a mistake. Maybe the feeling I have constantly of being in the wrong place, of living a life that isn't mine is true. Maybe I was supposed to take the white pills. My fate is awful with explainations. I am regretful.